Navigating the holidays with loved ones who are experiencing cognitive decline related to dementia can be challenging, but a few mindful approaches can make these gatherings more enjoyable for everyone involved. Here are some tips and ideas to help you plan, keep stress low, and foster meaningful connections.
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1. Set Realistic Expectations
Know Your Loved One's Limits: If you’re hosting, be mindful that large gatherings can be overwhelming for someone with dementia. Keep the gathering short, avoid packed schedules, and consider quieter, smaller groups.
Smaller Group Visits: If family is visiting a loved one in a senior living community, it may be less overwhelming for a few visitors to go at a time. If your loved one is coming to your home, it may be less overwhelming to have family members visit 1:1 with your loved one in a quiet space versus multiple conversations going on at a time around the dinner table.
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2. Create a Comforting Environment
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Stick to Familiar Spaces:Â If possible, host gatherings at a place familiar to your loved one, like their home or their senior living community. Familiar spaces reduce anxiety and can help them feel more secure.
Minimize Decorations That Could Be Confusing: Avoid items that blink, flash, or make loud sounds, as these can trigger confusion or discomfort.
Reduce Background Noise:Â Keep music soft, TV low or off, and limit loud conversations.
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3. Plan the Timing Around Your Loved One’s Best Hours
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People with dementia often have times of the day when they feel more alert or calm (like mornings or afternoons). If possible, schedule your event or family time around those windows. This may mean moving the tradition of dinner to brunch or lunch.
Another possibility is to have your loved one present for dinner and take dessert back home with them. Remaining family members can stay and enjoy games and dessert without concern for being too loud or overstimulating.
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4. Incorporate Familiar and Soothing Activities
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Reminiscing Together:Â Gather family photos or share stories from past holidays. Reminiscing can be a joyful and grounding activity.
Provide a Sense of Purpose:Â Activities like wiping down counters, decorating cookies, setting the table, or folding napkins can involve your loved one without creating stress. I always recommend providing a sense of purpose over perfection.
Play Familiar Music:Â Holiday music, especially songs from their youth, can evoke positive memories and create a soothing atmosphere. Singing along as a group can be a heartwarming way to connect.
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5. Simplify Holiday Meals
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Serve Smaller, Easy-to-Eat Portions: Foods that do not require utensils and bite-sized items may be easier for your loved one to manage. Avoid foods with complex textures or strong flavors that might be confusing or unpleasant for your loved one.
Keep Table Settings Simple:Â Avoid too many utensils, multiple glasses, or complex place settings. This reduces the chances of confusion and allows them to focus on enjoying their meal.
Keep Some Favorite Foods on Hand: If your loved one has specific preferences or dietary needs, make sure to include those options. Familiar tastes can be comforting.
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6. Delegate Responsibilities to Family Members
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Don’t try to do it all yourself: Delegate specific roles to family members. Someone can be in charge of transportation, helping your loved one eat, providing cues/reminders for toileting or bathroom assistance, engaging in activity, or providing gentle redirection if they become anxious.
Communicate Boundaries and Needs: Share these plans in advance with other family members so everyone is prepared. Explain to family and friends how to interact respectfully and avoid creating situations that might overwhelm or confuse your loved one.
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7. Watch for Signs of Overstimulation
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Monitor Their Body Language: Restlessness, irritability, or repetitive gestures can be signs of overstimulation.
We have created our go-to detective hat checklist for use during signs of agitation and to promote comfort and calm for those living with dementia. Click the link below to download a copy!
Have a Quiet Room Available:Â Designate a place where your loved one can retreat if they need a break. This space should be quiet and comfortable and ideally include items that feel familiar, like a favorite blanket, show, or music.
8. Adapt Interactions for Connection and Comfort
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Use Simple, Clear Communication: Speak slowly and use short, clear sentences. Avoid complex, open-ended questions or bringing up topics that might be confusing. Avoid quizzing your loved one.
Click HERE for more helpful communication tips and access to our dementia communication wallet cards!
Connection Goes Beyond Conversation: Holding hands and being present with calm body language can mean a lot. Even if they may not remember specific people or stories, they can still feel the warmth and care.
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9. Balance Tradition with Flexibility
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If your family has traditions that are important to your loved one, adapt them as needed. For instance, you might open presents one at a time instead of all at once.
You may modify games to make them less complex. For example, if the game of Uno is a tradition, you can take out the reverse, skip, or wild cards from the deck to decrease confusion with remembering all of the rules of the game. You could also decrease the amount dealt to each player or pair up in teams to assist with cues.
If a tradition seems to create anxiety or is no longer enjoyable, consider letting it go or adapting it.
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10. Involve Children Mindfully
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Children can bring joy and positive energy, but their excitement can also be overwhelming for someone with dementia. Set up a designated play area where kids can be active without overwhelming others.
Talk with children ahead of time about how dementia affects memory and behavior. Help them understand the importance of being patient and gentle.
Looking for children's books that explain dementia? Click HERE to visit my Amazon storefront and check out my favorite recommendations.
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11. Most Importantly, Be Kind to Yourself!
The holidays are already stressful, and caring for someone with dementia during the holidays can be emotional and sometimes exhausting. Allow yourself breaks, set reasonable expectations, and consider reaching out for help from friends or other family members.
Speak kindly to yourself! Check out our 8 holiday affirmations HERE.
Recognize that not everything will go perfectly—and that’s okay. Celebrate the small moments of joy and connection.
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The holidays don’t need to be elaborate to be meaningful. Often, creating an environment that feels safe, loving, and welcoming will foster the best memories, no matter what else is happening. Embrace the small, gentle moments—these can be the most memorable for both you and your loved one.
Did you find this blog post helpful? Share it with a friend or family member!
A portion of this blog post was featured in Insomnia Mom's Holiday Help Guide - Packed with practical tips, time-saving hacks, and stress-busting strategies, this guide is your go-to resource for navigating the season with ease.
Whether you’re managing holiday gatherings, shopping for the perfect gifts, or simply trying to savor the magic of the season, the holiday help guide has you covered. Click the image below for your copy. You will also find special discounts from The Memory Compass and other services. Yay!
Let’s make this holiday season joyful and manageable!
By: Jessie Hillock, M.A., SLP, CDP
Dementia Navigation Coach & Consultant
Certified Dementia Practitioner
Background as a Speech-Language Pathologist
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Jessie works with families facing memory loss and cognitive challenges across the United States as the owner and founder of The Memory Compass. She specializes in dementia care, is a certified dementia practitioner, and has a background in geriatric speech-language pathologist. Jessie helps families navigate dementia challenges through memory loss navigation consultations and dementia coaching. Through these sessions, Jessie equips families with creating solutions to their challenges, saves them time and energy, and reduces the overwhelm by developing their own individualized action plans for now and proactively for the future. If you want to learn more about Jessie's work supporting individuals and families living with memory loss, schedule a free 15-minute discovery call today! Click the button below.
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